The mom who blamed herself. 

Moms everywhere are in a similar situation as myself. We blame ourselves for everything. It almost is like a right of passage for mothers to blame themselves if something goes wrong in their journey of motherhood. 

Well, let me introduce myself. 

I am a mother of 3 kids. My three kids are rarely disappointed because I attempt to move mountains to make sure joy is in their childhood and as much fun I can place in it. 

I am sure you are wondering why? 

Well, you see, my daughter, who is my middle child, sometimes misses out on things. Not because we want her to miss out on anything but because we live a complex life. 

See my two sons; her two brothers are diagnosed on the autism spectrum. Sometimes situations don't go to plan, or events we are at together as a family is cut short due to my sons needing to get back home. Everything can be overwhelming for my two sons in a world that was not made for them. 

So here I am, the mother blaming myself this year for literally everything. But that is not what I want to tell you about. I want to tell you why the stress is extra high this year during the month of February. 

I have been homeschooling my daughter and two sons since the world went a little chaotic and the pandemic started. So since we have been in our home now for years, it was pointed out to me by my daughter that she has a birthday coming this week. 

And no, I didn't forget her birthday. But she quickly made sure I knew that she had no friends. 

Ah! What the heck!

This is my fault, not hers. And I don't know how to fix it instantly. 

As we are talking about cake choices & what we are going to do. My daughter was really sad that her birthday is this month & she has no friends to invite. 

See, we kept to ourselves for so long that no one her age we got to know recently, and those who were her age we grew distant too since homeschooling & here I am its midnight trying to brainstorm an idea as my daughter is fast asleep in her bed. 

How will I fix this? How will I give her what she wants?  

This is the first time but not the last time I will fail my daughter. 

No blame is on her. She did nothing wrong!

In trying to keep our family safe and make the best choices for us as a family. I wrecked her having friends & she is just old enough to remember at the age of 8 she has no friends & that is something I will spend forever blaming myself for.